To Serve Man
by HarborRat
Summary: A once feared warlord's daughter tries to salvage the family name but discovers that not all the horrors occur on the battlefield.
1. Sacrificial Lamb

_Disclaimer: _Koei owns Dynasty Warriors and the Romance of Three Kingdoms games. Luo Guanzhong is creator of the novel.

_Author Note_:This story takes some events from the novel and expands upon them. This story is fully written and will be posted as chapters are edited.

The year is 199. General Gongsun Zan, commander of the White Horse Cavalry and regional warlord of the late Han dynasty, began to feel the pressure of the encroaching powers of the soon to be Three Kingdoms era. After establishing a fierce reputation in his battles with northern barbarians and joining the anti-Dong Zhuo coalition, he found himself in the way of Yuan Shao's bid for dominance. For a decade vied for control of the North with him. He had granted refuge to a former schoolmate, Liu Bei, and briefly won the loyalty of a warrior by the name of Zhao Yun, however by now they had already gone their separate ways. The end of an era was swiftly approaching.

* * *

_To Serve Man_

Chapter 1

**Sacrificial Lamb**

**

* * *

**

Gongsun Zan's home was in flames and the reports were that his family was already dead. Cao Cao's soldiers flooded into the fortress and he rode his warhorse through the gate amongst them. His eyes scanned the interior to determine how much damaged there was. Yuan Shao had already attacked to end the long feud he had with the Gongsun army, however Cao Cao had quickly moved in to secure the site for himself. Yuan Shao had no need for it, but Cao Cao was going to need as many bases as possible for his next battle especially after he had agreed to an alliance with the man to eliminate Gongsun Zan, then slipped off to battle Lu Bu instead. After his victory against Lu Bu at Xia Pi, it was time to strike at Yuan Shao while morale was high and forces were in motion and his old friend decided to act upon his deception. "Pi, see to it that these fires are put out. We're trying to save this city for ourselves not have to invest time in building a new on one its ashes."

"Yes, father." Cao Pi gave orders to several subordinates and then noticed a small pocket of soldiers still fighting. "I'll see to it that the rest of those men are taken care of before you advance."

"I don't see any men." Cao Cao looked over at the burning house and at the one individual standing in the doorway with a spear. The soldier had just taken off his helmet to use as a projectile and his long hair spilled down over his shoulders. "I do believe that is a woman."

Cao Pi knew better than to question his father's judgment where women were concerned. Instead he followed him over to see who exactly this individual was.

Gongsun Lian stood in the door frame of her burning home. The flames engulfed the structure and provided an awe-inspiring backdrop for what would be the last stand of the Gongsun family. Her siblings and mother were dead on the floor inside; her father hanging from the ceiling by a noose of his own making. She watched as an imposing figure pushed through the blue-clad soldier and set her spear aside. "Prime Minister Cao, I suppose I should be honored you are seeing to this yourself. You're a little late; your friend Yuan Shao already destroyed the place."

Cao Cao dismounted and walked up to the woman, his eyes were immediately drawn to the gruesome scene behind her. "Your father showed some dignity in his death."

"Did he?" She looked over her shoulder as the body swung from a rafter momentarily before the beam snapped and both crashed to the floor.

Cao Cao reached out for her arm, as her hand was poised on her sword, still in the scabbard on her hip. "If you wanted to die you would have let him spare you this hell. I can only assume that you have some intention of taking care of your people. Hopefully to do a better job than he did. Give me the sword and quit wasting my time."

Lian laughed at him. "I'm sorry; do you expect me to see you as a savior? That you're here to free the people of this province from an egotistical warlords rule?"

He tightened his grip on her wrist as she looked into his eyes and didn't flinch. Few men could do that and no woman ever tried. "Something is to be said of the famed White Horse Cavalrymen if you can still be so confident amongst this despair."

"Now who is wasting my time?" She asked and slapped his face with her free hand. "Come now, Prime Minister, it's time to get your hands dirty. I am the reinforcements; I may be too late to make a difference but certainly not too late for a good fight."

Cao Cao released her hand, never expecting her to actual hit him. He could almost hear everyone surrounding them gasp. "For a supposedly brave warrior, you are nothing but a reckless suicidal fool. Just like your father."

Lian had her sword drawn and at his neck before he ended his sentence. Every man in the area took a step closer and she noted a few more famed Wei generals were now approaching. However Cao Cao made no move and simply stared her down with his cold brown eyes. "Still the cocky bastard you always were, Cao Cao. Rumor has it you were Yuan Shao's ally in this attack. What's wrong, did you get lost?"

"Go ahead and end it then, if you think you're capable Lady Gongsun." Cao Cao growled.

Cao Pi's mouth hung open. "Has he gone mad?"

Xiahou Dun shook his head as he stood next to his nephew's horse. "Yuan, just shoot her and put her out of her misery."

"Will do, brother." Yuan nocked an arrow and watched his bother fidget with the makeshift bandage over his eye. It was bleeding again and things were happening too fast for his brother to get proper medical attention. They had raced here from Xia Pi to secure the site and Dun wasn't going to sit out because of a 'mere scratch'. Maybe if they did join Yuan Shao instead of hunting down Lu Bu, his brother would still have his eye.

Cao Cao watched her hesitate and took the opportunity to push away the sword and pin her to the wall of the house as the roof caved in behind her. "What is it that you're after? Your father brought this on himself and his people turned on him. _You_ turned on him, taking the opportunity to take control of the cavalry you so desperately wanted. So this is quite the theatrical performance for nothing. Too scared to take your own life, so you're going to force me to do it?"

Cao Pi relaxed seeing that the woman was now pinned to a wall. "Now that is the father I know."

Lian blew her hot breathe on his face as his hand went around her throat. "I'm not afraid of you; you can't scare me. So here I am to defy you because I didn't want my family name to be a footnote in history."

"I can assure you, that won't be the case." Cao Cao leaned in closer and whispered, "I really was only after your cavalry, so in some respect your horsemen will get their revenge on Yuan Shao when I destroy him."

"Then either kill me or give me my sword back."

Cao Cao let her go and looked her over. "I suppose I have you to thank for keeping your command safe. You are the reinforcements after all….._mine_."

"You _do_ like to hear yourself talk, don't you?" She retorted.

Cao Cao smirked before slapping her and returning the favor for the handprint on his face. "Take that as a warning. I'll tolerate that from an enemy, but not my own officer. Gather your men and help save this city, then I expect a full report of the numbers, officers and morale of your unit."

Lian turned as the wall behind her fell inward and obscured any vision of the funeral pyre inside her former home. "Yes sir."

* * *

201 AD

Lian sat at a desk and continued to sort through requests from the people. Her husband scurried around the town making improvements, increasing productivity and bolstering troops as she tended to some menial tasks. Lian wanted to restore BeiPing to its former glory and the White horse cavalry to its full strength and that was quickly becoming a reality.

The battle of Guan Du had been impressive, she was surprised Cao Cao could so quickly dispatch of the great Lu Bu, secure YiJing and hurry to declare war on Yuan Shao. She didn't complain, the last thing she wanted was to wait a lifetime for revenge on the man who had destroyed her family. She didn't have some burning need for vengeance that most men had, she only wanted to do what seemed proper. In reality she saw the end of the Gongsun clan as her father's fault, but that wasn't how she wanted her family remembered. If she fought against Yuan Shao, perhaps she could dust off the ashes from the Gongsun name and let them rest in peace.

The battle itself was a true testament of Cao Cao's incredible skill. He possessed a kind of brilliance that bordered on insanity and the battle against overwhelming odds was a showcase of his talents. It didn't make her like him any, but she could see that he was not going to be an easy man to defeat. At Guan Du the White Horse cavalry was under the command of Cao Cao's cousin, Cao Ren. She wasn't sure how, but her performance there had truly impressed him. As they celebrated the victory over Yuan Shao's army, Cao Cao informed her that Ren wanted to marry her and there was no other time like the present. One minute she was trying to prove herself a capable commander and the next she was married to the man she was trying to dissuade from reassigning her to another unit.

She looked up as the doors flew open and the furious King of Wei stormed in. "If I had known you were coming I would have arranged for a sacking of the town."

Cao Cao swiped the papers off the desk and his hands slammed down on it with enough force to rattle the remaining inkpot off the edge. "I spare your worthless life and you use it to make my cousin miserable?"

She leaned forward, mere inches from him, and looked up at his furious face. "I've made him look good, isn't that what wives are for?"

Cao Cao had never encountered anyone who was immune to his rage. "You frigid little bitch…"

Cao Ren burst into the room in an attempt to stop his cousin from tearing his wife apart. He didn't intend for him to get so upset when he admitted that his new wife was somewhat mean. "Mengde, please!"

"Is this how you intend to keep me in line, Ren? Tattling to your cousin?"

Cao Cao hand was off the table and mid air as his cousin shoved him off to the side. "If you won't hit her, I will."

Lian leaned back as his hand narrowly avoided her face. "I'm waiting."

"Mengde, I didn't mean anything by it…." Ren tried to put himself between his angry cousin and his hostile wife.

"Ren, you're too kind for a woman like her. I'll rectify that." Cao Cao grabbed a scroll of the floor and threw it on the empty desk. "Get me a quill and ink. I'll annul this ridiculous marriage right now."

"Mengde, we can work it out!"

"Ren, she's already outlasted her use. You've done fine work rebuilding this city and I'm sure they won't miss her much. I said give me your pen!"

Lian dipped the quill in the ink on the floor and handed it to him only to have Ren snatch it from her. "Stubborn aren't you?"

"Nothing good will come of this Lian, I'm not going to give up and hand you over to be…" He stopped as Cao Cao grabbed the pen from him and began to write.

"Executed?" Cao Cao finished the sentence. "I'll find you a more suitable wife. One who won't revel in your bleeding heart."

"Mengde, I asked for this. You have to give me the chance to…"

"Have her rip you apart more?" Cao Cao shook his head. "I should have listened to Dun; he told me you'd see this as some attempt to rescue a rabid dog and keep her from being put down."

"Lian, please, say something." Ren looked over at the woman who had been married to him over a year, the woman who verbally skewered him every chance she got.

"Do you need help writing that, Lord Cao?"

"Here." Cao Cao handed the scroll to Ren and stared at the woman behind the desk who showed no emotion. "You're a bachelor again."

Ren took some consolation in the fact that he didn't order her execution in the same sentence.

Cao Cao glared at Lian, "You are a prisoner again."

"I always have been."

Ren watched Cao Cao grab her arm and drag her from the room. He should have kept his mouth shut.


	2. Reservations

_To Serve Man_

Chapter 2

**Reservations**

* * *

The carriage jostled back and forth on the long road back to Xu Chang. The iron bars over the windows alerted the peasants that the occupant was a prisoner and Gongsun Lian could see them whisper as it past. She rested her head on the back of the carriage and sighed. She spent the last ten miles searching the carriage for a weakness, but found none. She hoped that the nest rest stop would be more agreeable for her escape.

To say the least, this was no how things were supposed to go. After a year of hard work to rebuild her command, it was disheartening to leave BeiPing empty handed. She was free of any ties to Wei now; no obligations to a man she kept at a distance to honor a marriage vow or to her people who needed reconstruction of their homes. That left her a free officer, but hardly one of any value. What good would she be to her new lord now? No soldiers, no property, nothing but a name that conjured up an image of her once esteemed father.

Lian's thoughts were interrupted as she was thrown forward when the carriage came to a sudden halt. The escorting soldiers began to holler and she sat up to look out the window. Unable to see much through the dust and blurs of horses; she looked for anything available that she could defend herself with. With her current run of luck, the assailants were probably bandits. The skirmish lasted no more than a few minutes and she curiously waited for a view of the victors. Prepared for the worst, she turned as the door opened and the face of a man she thought she would never see again looked at her.

"Lian?"

"Zilong?"

Lian rubbed her eyes, assuming it was a figment of her imagination. She looked at his face again and heard a gruff voice behind him.

"Hey kid! Quit flirting!"

Zhao Yun frowned and looked over his shoulder at Zhang Fei. "I am not flirting!"

"Is it really you?" Lain stared at his boyishly handsome face and her heart fluttered. This was the man she had fallen in love with when he worked for her father! Had her luck really changed?

"What are you doing here?" Yun held out his hand and she took it, her hands shackled to the floor. "What did you do?"

"I succeeded." She smiled. Finally, she could join with Liu Bei like she had intended!

* * *

"I can't believe you're still alive." Zhao Yun admitted. "To defy Cao Cao like that…I knew you were bold but…wow."

"Bold?" She smiled. "I have to admit I think I learned that from watching you."

"I'm going to be sick." Zhang Fei grumbled and made a face. "Go make out in the barn if you're going to kiss each other's asses like that. Save you some time and hot air."

Yun sighed as Fei slid off his horse and belched. Instead of tending to the horse, he let the gelding graze on the farmer's lawn and went inside the house. "Excuse him; he gets bitchy when he's late for dinner."

"No need to apologize." She dismounted and stretched.

"Did you ever hear from your brother?"

"No. Last I saw of him was when he was riding off to get reinforcements from the Black Mountain Bandits."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. My father pissed you off too; it just lost him an officer instead of his life."

Yun dismounted and pet his white mare. "What about Cao Ren?"

"Our marriage was annulled by the almighty Cao Cao himself. I thought I already told you that." She looked at him hiding behind his horse's head. "Or is that not what you're really asking?"

"Well…"

"Never consummated. Now voided."

"How is that possible? Did you castrate him?"

"I had a quest to fulfill." She shrugged. "I just wish I could have taken the cavalry with me as I had intended."

"I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit as an officer." Yun cleared his throat as she responded with a smile and began to walk into the barn. He was glad it was dark as he felt slightly embarrassed asking about her relations with her husband.

Lian walked her horse into the small stable and paused. "There's a dead woman here, without an arm."

"What?" Yun dropped the reins and rushed over. "Lord Liu Bei must be in danger!"

Lian ran after him as he raced towards the house. She followed a few steps behind him as he burst into the small structure and discovered that his Lord was just fine. In fact they all seemed to be quite happy, as they had just set down for a feast.

"My lord…."

"Zilong, don't be rude!" Liu Bei stood and smiled apologetically to his host.

"There was a dead woman in the barn; I thought you were in danger!" Yun tried to defend his entrance.

"That was my wife." The host said flatly and took another bite of his meal.

Lian stepped to the side and looked at the man. "You knew?"

"She's dinner." Zhang Fei smiled and raised a piece of meat with his chopsticks. "Tastes just like chicken."

"What?" the combined voices of Yun and Lian asked.

"Our host has made a great sacrifice for us. Don't insult him, sit down." Liu Bei ordered then smiled at Lian as he remembered her face. "So good to see you again Lady Gongsun. My condolences, your father was a good friend."

"Are you going to join us?" Guan Yu asked, taking another bite. "Yide, pass the salt."

"I'm not hungry." She stared at the plates and then looked at Yun, whose mouth was still open in shock.

"I meant join our army, but it's a shame that you're not going to have something to eat. The flavor is incredible."

"I was planning on it." Lian was beginning to wonder if everything she had done was for nothing. Did she really hurt poor Cao Ren so that she could join forces with a band of cannibals?

"Excellent!" Liu Bei smiled. "I recall you and Zilong used to fight so well together. It's truly an honor. We should dedicate this feast to your father's memory."

"I should tend to my horse." Lian faked a smile and bowed as she exited the house. She had to go to the barn and check her eyes, make sure that really was a dead body in the straw. This had to be a dream, there was no way they were in there eating someone.

Zhao Yun ran into the barn expecting Lian to be already gone. "I know this looks bad but…"

"Zilong, you left Yuan Shao because he was a narcissistic bastard. You left my father because he was an arrogant ass. Please tell me you're not serving a cannibal."

"Lian, he's a good man."

"He is currently eating a woman's arm." She said incredulously. "How long before you go from serving him to being served?"

"These are desperate times…" Zilong sat down on a straw bale. "Please, don't let this first impression be what makes your decision. Please stay with us. Stay with me. I know our relationship ended on bad terms, but…"

"But I ended up seeing what you did anyway. I ended up taking the cavalry from him, but it was too late. He was already undone." Lian shook her head as she looked at the woman in the straw again. This wasn't about them, or her father…it was about this peasant's wife and the men devouring her.

"Then trust me." He stood and pulled her out of the barn, then kissed her. "I'm sure there is justification for this."

Was there any good reason for eating someone?

* * *

"He made such a sacrifice for us. How could I refuse?" Liu Bei shook his head.

"Say no?" Lian was alone with Liu Bei in the barn as he paced back and forth trying to explain how they could accept a plate full of people meat. "Besides I think it only counts as a sacrifice if you offer yourself as dinner. Not someone else."

"Liu An couldn't find anything to feed us when he was out hunting. He was so honored to have us as guests that he sacrificed his wife, the woman he loved, to serve to us." Liu Bei began to cry. "Can you imagine that?"

Lian wanted to tell him that it was exactly what she did to come join him and discover him enjoying dinner. She didn't kill Cao Ren, but might as well have cut his heart out. Apparently that would have been more appreciated by Liu Bei than she could have imagined. Still she had to have faith in Zhao Yun. He wasn't the kind of man to just sweep something like this under the rug.

"Please Lady Gongsun, I only ask for a chance to prove myself to you. I'm the same man who you remember."

She looked at his tear stricken face and nodded. She stood up to excuse herself but he startled her by hugging her.

"I will never forget your father, his friendship or his kindness to me. I promise to live up to everyone's expectations and unite this country again. Restore the Han and bring peace and prosperity back."

Lian mumbled something and waited for Liu Bei to regain his composure. Once the awkward moment passed she cleared her throat. "I would like to catch up with Zilong, if you don't mind."

"Of course." Liu Bei wiped away tears.

Lian didn't give him time to rethink it and quickly darted out of the barn. She saw Yun waiting for her, unsure of whether he was going to be able to reminisce or have to convince her to stay. "The last time I saw you…"

"I know. The last words we spoke were about serving a selfish lord who was incapable of taking care of his people. Lord Liu Bei is different, I promise you. "

Lian remained quiet and looked up at the moon. On a night like this years earlier three young officers debated under the full moon about the leadership of Gongsun Zan and the future of the country. Her brother, Xu, had never been the same after their Uncle Yue had been killed on the battlefield facing Liu Biao. He had always been closer to their Uncle and it was a devastating blow, something he blamed their father for. She refused to linger on it and took command in order to avoid being routed. Xu became more critical and when Zilong began to speak his mind he joined in. The debate lasted until the moon began to fade into dawn and the warrior beside her was packing his things ready to resign. "I'm sure you felt that Yuan Shao and my father were different too, at some point."

"Lian, you know Liu Bei…perhaps even better than I do. You know that he's not a cannibal. You know he's an honest man or else you wouldn't have come here to fight with him."

"He fights despite having nothing….Cao Cao fights to gain everything and my father quit because he feared losing everything. I envied you; you were able to simply leave when you disagreed with your lord. You had no obligations to stay to protect your family. Now that I don't have a family to defend, I really don't know what I'm fighting. Is it to conquer the world, save the poor, restore the Han…what? Is it because I don't know what else to do?"

Zhao Yun wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck. "Give him a chance to prove to you that you've done the right thing."

Lian closed her eyes and remembered the last conversation with her father. _I'm done fighting, Lian, I have jeopardized this family and I can not do that anymore. Take the cavalry; use it to save this country from the men who want to destroy it. By doing so you'll save us, we'll have no military force to attract attention and Liu Bei needs a real army to back him. I've been fighting for selfish reasons and I've lost. My own arrogance. The world is changing and my time has passed. Warlords are relics now, only usurpers and would-be Emperors are allowed on the battlefield. Choose your lord and serve him well, I'll remain here with the militia and protect what matters most to me. _

However Cao Cao had the cavalry and she had assisted him in destroying his major rival. Now, with nothing, she joined Liu Bei and offered little to support him. Now she was a distraction, these men would be trying to prove that he was the man to rule. What bothered her the most was that he had yet to impress her. Cao Cao, despite being the man everyone loved to hate, awed her at every turn.

"Lian, what are you thinking?"

"I might just be as stubborn as my father, making a decision and ignoring any outside influences."

"You trust me don't you?"

"Yes."

"Then stay with us."

* * *

"So are you a fangirl or a girlfriend?" Yue Ying studied the other woman's reaction to the question to find out the answer on her own.

Lian frowned. So far her renewed relationship with Zilong was far from what she remembered. Back when he had worked for her father he was more independent; he was an upstanding warrior who would stand alone in the face of the enemy to do the right thing. Now every other word out of his mouth was about Liu Bei and she wondered if he was a follower or an officer. After the incident with the hunter and his unfortunately wife, Lian took the opportunity to remain distant and observe. That apparently was very unsettling for the newcomers Zhuge Liang and his wife Yue Ying. "I'm not quite sure."

"Considering all you went through to be with him, I would have expected a more definitive answer." Yue Ying tilted her head to watch the woman's face.

"I wanted to serve Liu Bei and salvage the pride of the Gongsun clan by assisting him with our army. To fight beside General Zhao again was merely a bonus. My loyalty belongs to the ruler who can unify this land not the man who has the most attractive generals."

"I didn't mean to offend you." Ying smiled softly understanding that the woman had to endure a lot to be where she was today.

"You haven't." Lian stood and pushed a stray hair from her face. "I just can't answer your question. We've both grown up since those days and the world has changed. I don't really know where we stand. Honestly, there hasn't been much time to concern ourselves with personal issues."

"Then I should probably leave you two alone." Yue Ying smiled as she saw the handsome General in question approach. "Good night, General Gongsun."

Lian watched her leave, obviously to report her findings back to her husband. Everyone's initial reaction had been that the two women warriors would be instant friends, but none of the men quite grasped that they had their own hidden agendas. Yue Ying was essential in assisting her husband gather information about his new officers and Lord. Until they grew comfortable with everyone, there wouldn't be time to make friends. Lian wanted more than anything to feel at home and reassure herself that the decisions she made were right. No time for friends when you were critiquing their every move.

"So…." Zhao Yun looked around as the others began to disperse from the war council to sleep on Zhuge Liang's orders. At the crack of dawn they would march and there would be no time for a meeting to issue orders and deal with the protests and debates that ensued. However he was more perplexed with a line of questions from the strategist's wife than anything else. He refocused on Lian's curious face before continuing. "Did Yue Ying interrogate you too?"

"I couldn't answer anything for her, Zilong." Lian sighed. She was tired and frustrated and tomorrow they were going to have to run away from Cao Cao. Last thing she wanted was a long chat about whatever relationship she did or did not have with the man in front of her. "I don't know where we stand."

Zhao Yun took her hand and kissed it. "I know you're still skeptical after that night at Liu An's house…"

"Zilong, I don't need to hear another speech about why you serve Liu Bei." Lian sighed. At least Cao Ren never preached about how his cousin deserved to rule the world.

"Lian, we just need to reach the ships tomorrow and then we'll have plenty of time to talk." He placed a gentle kiss on her lips and smiled. "I told her that I don't kiss fangirls."

"Good policy. You don't know where they've been." Lian had to grudgingly smile as his laughed.

"Don't take any unnecessary risks tomorrow, you hear me? I'm sure Wei will be anxious to settle a score with you."

"I'll be fine." She blushed as his hand cupped her cheek and he stroked her face with his thumb. Apparently Yue Ying's questions had more influence than he thought. She genuinely hoped that time would prove him right and that Liu Bei was the man to follow.

* * *

"Cao Cao is moving fast." Guan Yu rode his prancing stallion around Liu Bei. "Xuande, you need to leave."

"NOW!" Zhang Fei picked his brother up and put him on the horse.

"We'll hamper their advance, my lord." Zhao Yun promised.

"Aren't you forgetting someone?" Lian pointed to the city and was relieved when she saw panic in the man's eyes.

"My people! I cannot leave without my people!" Liu Bei exclaimed.

"I was talking about your family." Lian mumbled as Liu Bei began to make a speech to the peasants fleeing Chang Ban. She looked down at the city and could see the dirt rising behind it, signifying that Cao Cao's cavalry was approaching. More than likely comprised of white horses and men from Bei Ping. Had she been this selfish when she left her own family at Yijing? No….she thought that they would be safe. She didn't expect her father to piss off the people defending him by telling them to 'suck it up' instead of grant them reinforcements. If she was so willing to abandon them then she would have never rode back to help.

"Lian, you're the advance guard." Guan Yu side passed his unruly stallion over to her horse to get her attention. "Push past everyone to the river and help ensure our escape."

"Yes sir." She nodded. Certainly once they arrived at the river she's see that she had been wrong and any reservations she had were simply paranoia or triggered by her own guilty conscience.

"I'll go back to town." Zhao Yun declared and took off on his white horse to begin the race against the enemy. Liu Bei's family was still there and Wei troops were already entering the town. How could they get lost at a time like this?

* * *

AN: Liu Bei's 'feast' with Liu An can be found in the novel in chapter 19.


	3. Heartburn

_To Serve Man_

Chapter 3

**Heartburn**

* * *

Gongsun Lian watched the peasants and soldiers board the boats and the sails begin to catch wind. Wei troops were approaching quickly hoping to stop Liu Bei's escape but Chang Ban would go down in history as a victory for Shu. Lian however still sat upon her horse on the cliff overlooking the river and made no move to join them.

"Well, well…" Cao Cao smirked as he saw who the lone warrior was. "It is a small world, isn't it?"

Lian looked over her shoulder at him as he approached on his black steed, his cape fluttering around him. She sighed and said nothing, just watched the ships begin to float away.

Cao Cao was puzzled and moved his horse over to look at her face. "Did Liu Bei get sick of your defiant tongue and cut it out?"

"No." She said quietly. "He threw his kid on the ground and had a fit."

"Excuse me?" Cao Cao wasn't sure he heard her right, she was talking so softly.

Lian finally took her eyes off the ships and looked at the mighty ruler of Wei who she used to detest. "Zhao Yun rescued his son, and Liu Bi threw a fit because the baby endangered his favorite soldier. He threw his child on the ground. His wives and daughter left behind and he starts crying because his officer risked his life to save a baby. Zilong stood there horrified, but said nothing. The man who told my father he was a selfish, arrogant ass who deserved to rot in hell. He stood there and then got on the damned boat. He said nothing."

Cao Cao stroked his goatee. "You intended to join him all along?"

"I loved him for being so noble, for standing up to my father and leaving; for being as brave as I wanted to be. Now I find out that he's become a lackey, compromising his integrity and morality to serve some cannibal who just threw his own child to the ground. How do you justify that? I've been a fool."

"You were bold enough to defy me, patient enough to escape me and now courageous enough to sit here with me. You're certainly allowed your mistakes, I certainly have mine."

She looked at the man next to her for the first time with kind eyes. "He ate another human being. Liu Bei, he ate someone. All the brothers did. Said it 'would have been rude not to.' What does that mean?"

"We'll catch him eventually." Cao Cao patted her shoulder, and then turned to look at the army behind him. "Ren, perhaps you can comfort your wife while we organize a unit to pursue them."

"Of course, my lord."

His words didn't quite sink in as he rode away, not until a hand wrapped around hers and she looked down at the face of Cao Ren. She opened her mouth to say something but he reached up and put a finger to her lips.

"I burnt the scroll."

"Why would you do that? I tortured you."

"We all need to find our own path, Lian."

"I…."

"I'm not a man who gives up. I don't abandon what I believe in and I don't snack on peasants."

She let a smile form on her lips.

"You're not her type then." Xiahou Dun came up behind them and noticed his cousin's reaction.

"Quit trying to protect me, Yuanrang."

"Quit trying to save her, Zixiao." Dun gave the woman a scowl as she looked to him.

"No." Ren slapped his cousin's leg and waved him off. "Go find something more productive to do!"

"Prepare dinner, perhaps?" Dun leaned over and patted his cousin's helmet. "How do you like your peasant cooked? Medium rare?"

Lian's face contorted as she thought about the brothers shoveling Lady Lo Mein into their mouths. How had she been so stupid? That was day one and she still agreed to fight for the man.

"Dun, that's enough. Leave her alone. It's been a rough day."

"I can't relate. I don't think I ever joined any of my lords only to find out later that they like peculiar baby-tossing sports and BBQ human. Oh, wait….I have remained loyal to the same lord my entire career. Weird."

"Stop it." Ren growled.

"It's alright, I deserve it." Lian admitted.

"You've made the right choice, that's what is important." Ren squeezed her hand.

"For the moment." Dun added. "Do you want to serve Wu next week? I hear they have a Suncest festival, a whole new taboo for you to explore."

"Dun, I said that was enough!" Ren snapped and scared his cousin's horse.

"Fine." Dun raised his hands in admission of defeat. "Take your wife home and spank her for her misbehavior, but don't forget how quickly her allegiances change or how easily she's ripped you apart. Human nature is what it is, Ren. Even if you like to believe there is something worth salvaging. Just remember Lu Bu." Dun tapped his eye patch and slapped his cousin's helmet once more before riding off to join the rest of the army.

"I'm sorry, Ren. You really are a good man, I am so sorry I hurt you."

"I respect you for doing what you felt was right and for admitting you were wrong. Perhaps we can put this behind us?"

"If we were still married than I'm an adulteress. Can you forgive that?"

He really had a hard time believing that Zhao Yun lost his virginity. "I have to admit I'm impressed by your ability if you managed to break down the defenses of the Little Dragon's chastity belt."

"It didn't get that far." She conceded.

"I'm quite sure you need to pass that checkpoint in order to claim that title." Ren smiled. "Trust me, my cousin has managed to redefine the term and blur the boundaries of fidelity to suit his own needs. I'm quite sure you're still safe."

She didn't deserve his support. "Ren, it's further than I ever let you get with me."

"That's not saying much."

"How can you stand here and defend my actions?" She shook her head and stared at the river below. "I'm just as bad as him. I abandoned my family, sacrificed my spouse and selfishly chased a fairy tale that could never become a reality. I've obviously put off my execution long enough; I think it's well overdue."

"I think you're taking your analogy a bit too far." Ren squeezed her hand and whistled for his horse. "I'm sure whatever snide remarks the Xiahous assault you with are going to be punishment enough."

"Ren…"

"If you're really sorry then you'll stop being so formal and start calling me by my style name." Ren mounted his horse and readjusted the Buckler Blade that was attached to the saddle pommel by a strap. "That's about the only thing you've done that has truly insulted me."

She bit her lip as tears welled in her eyes. She so rarely cried; her father had stamped out that reaction years ago. If she was going to be a soldier, a true warrior of the Gongsun clan, then she had to push aside those feminine emotions. Of course those rules didn't apply when her emotions could be utilized to secure the services of a warrior like Zhao Yun. She didn't understand how Ren could muster even an ounce of forgiveness for her when she couldn't forgive herself for her own actions. "Zixiao, I am so very sorry."

* * *

"What was your grand plan?" Ren asked as the dinner conversation reached a lull and his cousins stopped looking at his wife like they were going to drown her in the river. He hoped by having her explain herself in the presence of everyone he could help alleviate some of the tension. Maybe they too could see the woman he loved instead of the woman who hurt him. "Out of curiosity."

"After Yuan Shao defeated us at Yijing, my father decided to sit out the rest of the war by stockpiling food and locking himself in the fortress. Of course Yuan Shao didn't really respect my father's 'I don't want to play anymore' and attacked us. I had intended to leave with the remaining cavalry after my father informed me that he was going to inspire our infantry to fight harder by denying them reinforcements. I expected them to desert, but apparently "Suck it up and fight harder" does inspire people; it inspires them to desert and set your house on fire. I was going to leave with my command and go find the man I thought I loved, join him and fight by his side again. Instead, I had to turn around and try to save my father from his own stupidity. By then they had already given up. Apparently they didn't have much faith in me." Lian sipped at her wine and stared at her plate.

"So why stand and fight?" Cao Pi asked as the men around the banquet table listened with curiosity.

"I didn't like the other options." She countered. "I wanted to go down swinging and not from the rafters."

"Still, nobody's ever stood up to my father like that." Cao Pi replied.

Zhang Liao raised his hand. "I did."

"That was pretty classy." Xiahou Yuan smiled. "Cussing out the guy about to execute you while kneeling in your dead Lord's blood."

"Slapping my father after insulting him and then putting a sword to his throat, that gets my vote." Cao Pi raised his glass.

"I just realized something." Yuan put his glass down.

"That your brother also developed a taste for body parts?" Zhang Liao asked and continued with his meal.

"Roast arm and eyeball are two entirely different things." Dun threw a meatbun at the man and snorted.

"No." Yuan ignored the small food fight that was beginning with him in the middle. "Our cousin converted a Zhao Yun fangirl."

"It wasn't me either." Cao Cao raised his glass in a toast. "Congratulations Ren, way to make the Cao family proud."

Ren tried to avoid being pelted by meatbuns, but failed. He heard the playful laughter from the Xiahou brothers who apparently had given up on acting mature. "Thanks."

"So get your wife out of those green clothes and consummate your marriage. That's an order." Cao Cao smirked as his cousin blushed and the woman in question raised her eyebrows at him.

Dun stood and pointed at Ren. With an authoritative tone he added, "We expect a full report in the morning on what it's like to ride a cavalryman."

Yuan burst into laughter and thumped his hand on the table. "He should be the one on the white horse….being the virgin and all."

Lian watched her husband bury his head in his hands and leaned over to him. "You don't have to take that from them."

"Let them have their fun."

"Even at your expense?"

"They're my family." He looked up at her and wished that his embarrassment wasn't evident. "It's been like this since we were kids."

"Are you sure, because we have about a half dozen meatbuns on the floor…"

Cao Pi leaned over and whispered, "You should probably leave now before they start getting graphic."

"He's right." Ren stood and held out his hand for hers. "My Lady."

She actually found herself blushing a bit now. He had called her that for almost a year, but she had ignored him. Now she heard the sweet, genuine tone and it made her heart catch in her throat. "General."

He lifted her to her feet with ease and noticed that Liao was covering their retreat by assaulting Dun with a barrage of meatbuns. Without hesitation he took the opportunity and ducked out of the tent with his wife in tow.

"I don't deserve your protection…" Lian sighed as Ren pointed in the direction of his tent. "Just last night I was kissing another man. "

"Do you still want to be with him?"

"No, but…"

"Then it's not an issue. As far as you knew you were no longer married…"

"That's not an acceptable excuse."

"Which is exactly why it is." He smiled and ducked into his tent. "If you don't want to be married to me, I understand."

Lian followed him and looked into those honest brown eyes and shook her head. "I didn't say that."

"That's good because it really took a lot for me to burn that scroll. Weighing which was more important: the sanctity of marriage or my cousin's orders. I knew the only way to get my point across was to defy him. You taught me that." Ren reached out and touched her slumped shoulder. "Can we please start over?"

"I don't deserve…"

"Then do it for me." He gave her a warm smile and watched her nod. He began to undo the straps of his armor and was somewhat surprised when she began to assist him.

"Quite the family you have." Lian said as she helped him take his armor off. "One minute ready to kill me for hurting you, the next humiliating you in front of me."

"I was just the chosen victim, today. Tomorrow it will be someone else's turn." He explained as she finished taking off his breastplate and set it aside. He turned to her and ended up closer than he had managed to get in their history together.

"What about your orders then?" She queried, curious to see if he would finally broach the topic of sex with her.

"I can wait." He stepped back from her and shook his head. "I would rather you want to, than feel you have to."

She wasn't quite prepared for that. Initially she figured she scared him, however it was evident now that he was too much of a gentleman to force the issue. It made her feel all the more like a villain.

"I'll see you in the morning."

She gave him a warm smile as he kissed her hand, then left to find her own tent. She stopped halfway there and decided to sit down at the fire for a while to clear her head. Today had been very complicated.


	4. Recipe for Success

_To Serve Man_

Chapter 4

**Recipe for Success**

* * *

The campfire was beginning to die out and Lian picked up a sick to begin to poke the logs around in the gray ash. Her eyes lifted as someone approached and interrupted her momentary solitude. She raised an eyebrow as Cao Pi stopped in front of her with a scroll in his hands.

Cao Pi felt like a fool but knew better than to return to the tent without performing his task. "My father and his cousins have comprised a list of reasons you should rape my Uncle Ren."

"What?"

"And I am to recite them to you."

"Is this a joke?" Lian asked as the Prince rolled his eyes.

"I'm apparently very pretty and need to work on my public speaking skills. The creators of this list, by which I mean to say is not me, don't feel they can deliver it to you for various reasons. My father believes you're turned on by his voice, Uncle Dun seems to think you want to taste his eye and Uncle Yuan thinks you might be more interested in his weapon for self-gratification than listening to him."

"Are they all drunk?"

"Very." Pi unrolled the scroll and cleared his throat. "So without further ado, the Top Ten Reasons You Should Want to Rape Cao Ren."

"10. He's a former cavalry commander which means he has excellent thighs.

9. If he can outlast an enemy siege, imagine his stamina in bed. He is a Cao after all.

8. He doesn't eat peasants.

7. His boobs are smaller than yours.

6. He should have smacked that smart mouth of yours off your face, but didn't.

5. Never thrown a baby and has saved small puppies from being run over by carriages.

4. Caos are better lovers. Moooo.

3. Real men have facial hair.

2. Big boned=Big boner

1. The Penis mightier than the shield. "

Lian cocked her head to the side. "Did they get drunker?"

"Very much so." Pi bowed and handed her the scroll. "I have done my job and will go to bed before they share the song they wrote."

"A song?"

"My father…can sing. Very well actually. Uncle Dun and Yuan, not so much."

Zhang Liao walked up and sighed. "I would suggest a strategic retreat."

Pi looked over his shoulder at the tent and then back at the new girl. "I would advise that you make sure you sleep in Uncle Ren's tent tonight."

"But…."

"Start there or you'll end up there gagged and naked." Pi smiled. "With the words 'insert here' painted on your belly with an arrow pointing to your crotch."

"The kid speaks from experience." Liao chuckled. "His poor wife…."

"Sometimes they get more creative…and paint it on your back." Pi cleared his throat. "Apparently I'm pretty enough to mistake for my wife."

Lian took her scroll and smiled a thank you, then opted to take their advice as the singing got louder and a few horses spooked and took off running across the camp.

* * *

Cao Ren sat up and looked over at his wife who was still sound asleep on his cot. Last night she had come back to his tent and handed him a scroll and repeated his nephew's warning. Though initially he hoped it was a way for her to get closer to him, he could see from her weary and thoughtful face that she just didn't know where else to find a safe place to sleep. He heard the singing and the commotion outside and understood her concerns. After a small argument, she finally agreed to sleep in his cot and he laid a blanket down for himself on the floor.

They may have not been on the best terms when there lived together before, but he knew she wasn't a woman who slept in. Every morning she was ready for the council meeting before he was, having already completed her daily training. He hadn't been sure if it was another way to avoid him or if it was her routine, but he doubted things had changed. The poor thing was exhausted and he couldn't blame her. Liu Bei had his army running for their lives, if you could call it an army, and the officers were really the only fighting force he had. Armed peasants were so easily mowed down by trained soldiers and it placed a heavy burden on his already overwhelmed officers. Even with the odds against him, he still managed to escape. Liu Bei's charisma was great enough to defy the odds, which was worrisome. It wasn't just a simple task or wiping out a pauper and his peasants anymore.

Ren stood and dressed quietly, making sure he didn't wake Lian. He wanted to talk with his family without her present, they weren't helping him any. As much as they thought they were protecting him it was damaging his chances at a fresh start. He slipped out of the tent and made his way to the center of camp. Even if his family had been up all night drinking and singing like idiots, they would have fully recovered and be ready for breakfast. The Cao and Xiahou bloodlines were renowned for their alcohol tolerance and drinking skills.

"Where's the Mrs.?" Yuan greeted him. "Too sore to walk?"

Cao Cao read Ren's face and gave a frustrated sigh. "It's going to take an act of god to get you laid, isn't it?"

Xiahou Dun banged his head on the table. "You must have been adopted. I can't believe anyone in our family could be a virgin this long!"

"I'm not a virgin." Ren huffed. "I would also appreciate if you would quit helping me. I'm trying to repair my marriage and your assistance is causing more harm than good."

"Awww." Yuan put his arm around his brother and pointed at Ren. "Our little boy is finally testing out those balls and standing up to us! Isn't he so cute?"

Dun rubbed his eye dramatically to simulate wiping away a tear. "He's grown up so fast. Maybe it's finally time to tell him the difference between boys and girls."

"Mengde." Yuan tapped his fingers on the table. "I though you were going to take care of that?"

"Sit down Ren, Daddy needs to tell you a little story about where babies come from." Dun smiled as his brother burst into laughter and slapped him on the back.

Cao Cao tried to his smile behind his teacup. "Ren, please, you're single-handedly ruining the reputation of the Cao family that I have worked so hard to establish."

"Which one is that?" Ren asked dryly. "The sexual predator, pedophile or wife thief?"

"New title for Ren!" Dun announced and tapped a spoon on his teacup. "General who Retains Virginity."

"General Who Protects the Hymen." Yuan suggested.

"General of the Atrophied Balls!" Dun grinned and looked at Cao Cao who finally lost his composure and began cackling.

Ren rolled his eyes and sat down as his cousins sniffled and gasped for breath from their laughing fit. "Are you all finished?"

"Ren, just go back there and penetrate her defenses and come back with a smile on your face." Yuan wiped away a tear and cleared his throat. "Then we'll leave you alone."

"Dare you!" Dun chimed in.

"I can't expect you to understand." Ren frowned. "You all think marriage is about being raped by your wife when you return from battle."

"It is." Cao Cao replied and then decided to let his poor cousin speak his mind. They had already had enough fun at his expense. "Do you want me to send her to my harem for training?"

"No!" Ren snapped.

"Do we need to send you for training?" Dun asked with a smile.

"NO!" Ren slammed his hand down on the table. "Dammit, I just want you to quit helping me and let me try to start a relationship with my wife! I also want you to quit teasing her, she feels bad enough about her decision to join Liu Bei and I don't need you compounding it."

"No need to yell, geez." Yuan shook his head. "All you had to do was say something."

Dun tried not to react to his brother's comment, but failed. He simply sat there, grinning and nodded.

"Ren, we will lay off the siege tactics and give you some space. Won't we gentleman?" Cao Cao looked to the Xiahous who were glancing back and forth at each other like two kids dying to make a smart ass remark about siege weapons. He gave them his disappointed fatherly stare and they both nodded emphatically. "Good."

"Just one question." Dun sat up and tried to look serious. "Are you planning on having kids or are you just going to adopt?"

Cao Cao smacked him in the head with a scroll left over from last night. Then he remembered last night and threw the scroll at Ren. "That's for you. It's our brainstorming scrap scroll from all of our work last night. Just for when you need a reminder of how much we really love you."

Ren hesitated to take the item, it was something that was very powerful and had incredibly destructive abilities. If what he had seen last night was a list of the best ideas, he didn't really think he wanted to subject himself to the ones that didn't make the cut. "Thanks."

"Hey now!" Yuan waved his finger and frowned disapprovingly. "That list was enough to make anyone want to jump you. Even I was considering it."

"Someone already predisposed to marrying his cousin." Dun shook his head.

Cao Cao frowned as Ren left the tent and looked to Dun. "What does he see in her?"

"I don't know. Certainly not chest size." Dun shrugged. "Then again, we all obviously have different tastes in women. You married a whore, I married Lu Bu's nympho daughter and Yuan married your little sister. Hell, even Pi sort of made us proud by marrying one of the most beautiful women in the country. I guess we should be happy he doesn't like guys."

"I guess that branch of the family tree is going to stop with him." Yuan shrugged.

"I told you not to agree to that marriage at Guan Du." Dun shook his head. "I told you so."

"How exactly did you expect me to deny him that?" Cao Cao stood up. "You try saying 'no' to those pitiful brown eyes. Besides, I have to agree with him that she's a good officer. I just question if she's a good wife for my cousin."

Dun watched Cao Cao fix his robes. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to talk to him. I want answers."

* * *

Ren knelt down next to the river and splashed his face with water. His horse nickered softly to alert him to an intruder and he looked up. Surprised by who it was he jumped to his feet.

Cao Cao dismounted and sighed. "Must you always be so damned formal outside of a tent? Nobody is even here to see that salute but me."

"Yes." Ren explained. "It's protocol and you deserve that respect no matter how we're related or how casual we can be in the company of friends. You never know who might be watching."

"Well I'm here now as a friend, not your king or cousin. Spare me the protocol." Cao Cao looked at the river and smiled. "I remember when we were kids and you were the bad influence."

"I guess we've both come along way."

"Too far for us to sit down and talk like we used to?"

"We're not kids anymore, Mengde." Ren sighed. "More importantly I'm not your kid and this paternal side of you is beginning to worry me."

"Do I have to order you to loosen up?" Cao Cao smirked and smacked the man's shoulder. "Sit down, I just need to hear from you what you see in this woman."

"You sound like my mother."

"If you don't sit down and tell me, I'm going to tell you mother what kind of woman you married." Cao Cao threatened.

"Mengde." Ren snapped. "She's made some mistakes, we all have."

"She slapped me, made you cry and then defected to serve Liu Bei." Cao Cao sat on the rock and looked up at him. "Exactly how do you of all people justify that? How can you be in love with her?"

"I've justified a lot worse for you."

"We're not married, so this isn't about my actions." Cao Cao frowned. "Zixiao, I know it might seem like she's the only woman out there but you have to get off the battlefield. In fact when we get back home to Xu Chang I'll introduce you to a girl I'm sure you'll like. Cai Yong's daughter, she's a poet and has had a terribly tragic life. Just your type."

"Mengde, I'm not trying to be some hero…"

"What about Zhen Ji? You can't tell me you weren't trying to protect her when Pi first brought her home. You watched over that girl like she was your own daughter."

"Pi was too immature to see she needed to be protected and everyone else was too busy treating her like a prisoner. I did the right thing. I didn't realize that would earn me your criticism."

Cao Cao closed his eyes. This wasn't working; he was just putting Ren on the defensive. "Are you just trying to protect Lian or do you actually love her?"

"I love her Mengde."

"Why?"

Ren finally sat down next to his lord. "I admire her dedication and resolve. She was ready to fight you with her family burning behind her. Then at Guan Du she did everything before I could even ask her to. I never had to issue a single order; it was like she read my mind."

Cao Cao sighed and quietly asked. "Are you confusing professional admiration with adoration?"

"My duty, my work is my life. Is it so unfathomable that I could love someone who shares that passion?"

"Even when she only worked that hard because she loved another man?"

"You can't fake that sort of dedication."

"I've spent my whole life manipulating other people's dreams to further my own ambitions. Ren…"

"She's worked hard for it! She hasn't lied or manipulated anyone. She didn't seduce me and run off with the cavalry, she didn't take command of the White Horse Cavalry after her uncle was killed because her father didn't have anyone else. She didn't even betray Liu Bei and deliver him to you after she decided to leave him. Lian has had every opportunity to be the villain you think she is, but it's not in her. That's what I see in her, Mengde, I see a soldier who has fought past all of the barriers in her path to do what she felt was right. You saw it too up there on that ridge yesterday or else we wouldn't be talking about her."

"Can she love you back?"

"I hope so." He sighed.

* * *

Gongsun Lian wiped her brow with a towel as the sun began to rise. She cursed herself for sleeping in, it was inexcusable. She was going to have to tell Ren that he didn't have to feel bad for her and next time he needed to wake her up.

"Being on time for training isn't late, you know."

She looked up as Zhang Liao sat down on the log beside her and began sharpening his blade. "It is for me."

"I'm sure you've always had to be an overachiever just to make up for not being a boy, but Cao Cao judges officers on ability so you can ease up on yourself."

She put the towel down and looked at him. Liao was trying to be supportive; after all he knew what she was going through. His wife, Diao Chan, had also done irreparable damage in order to complete her mission. His niece, Lu Ling Qi, had to prove that she wasn't just a poster child for nepotism and could actually fight. Of course he even knew what it was like to be the new, untrusted officer at Guan Du. They both had to prove themselves there, expect he emerged a great man and she ended up traveling the path of a traitor.

"Chan's never forgiven herself for what she did and I don't expect you to either. However, as a husband I can tell you it's just as painful to watch as it is to endure. Cao Ren's a good man, he'll bear your burden with you whether you want him to or not."

"I don't deserve that. I don't deserve forgiveness."

"I didn't deserve a second chance either, not after I watched my best friend die. However I got one and I'm going to make the most of it. I'm going to protect my family and serve the lord I believe is going to bring peace to this land. " Liao shrugged. "Quit being selfish and serve your king and let yourself love your husband. Don't keep showing up so earlier to practice either, he really prides himself on that year end punctuality and attendance awards."

He tapped her in the stomach with the end of his halberd and gave her a smile. She looked up to see Cao Cao and Cao Ren approaching from the river. They seemed to be in a discussion and from the amount of talking Ren was doing, she could only assume it was about her. Maybe Liao was right, she was continuing to make him suffer while she was busy punishing herself for her stupidity.

"Lady Gongsun." Cao Cao smirked as Ren finally fell silent. His cousin was still unsure of the victor in the debate. He wasn't really too sure where he stood on the issue now, his cousin's heart was sometimes too big for his own good. So he opted to find out from the woman in question. "We were just talking about officer biographies. I was hoping you could write an entry for your father and brother when we return home. I would rather have more accurate historical records and this is an excellent opportunity to enhance the biography project. Of course, you are welcome to take some liberties when writing it, I'm sure there are certain details you might not want recorded for posterity."

Ren hated that he could so quickly and easily redirect a conversation and spit out such a realistic fabrication like that. He looked at Lian's body react to the offer, her shoulder's rolled back and her jaw set as her eyes narrowed at their leader.

"I would be honored. However my reports will be as objective as possible. I won't glaze over anything, I believe that people should be allowed to judge someone themselves and I will provide them with the facts to draw their own conclusions. If our families or followers are allowed to alter our accomplishments after death, what reason does anyone have to hold themselves accountable for their actions in life? No. I will not leave anything out."

Liao raised his eyebrows and looked up at Cao Cao's face. Certainly there was no doubt now that these two were meant for each other.

"I'll look forward to it." Cao Cao handed her his horse's reins. "Would you be so kind as to put him away before joining us for breakfast?"

"Pass your test, did I?" She asked noting the looks the men were giving each other.

"Admirably." Cao Cao slapped his cousin's shoulder. "You helped your husband score a debate victory against me."

"Probably gave him a mental orgasm too." Liao chuckled and returned to putting the final touches on his blade.

* * *

"I can't help but recall how those peasants sort of looked like cattle being herded into a slaughterhouse." Xiahou Dun thoughtfully ate his breakfast and waited for his brother to continue his train of thought.

"Hmmm." Yuan finished off his tea and smirked. "It is a long journey to Wu and it's not like Liu Bei has ever had much money. Not a bad game really, he just takes his next meal with him until they need more meatbun filling and *whack*"

Cao Pi jumped as his Uncle slammed his flat hand on the table to emphasize the point. He pushed his own plate away; his appetite now lost.

"No need to worry about buying meat or it spoiling, you just have to offer to protect them and they come running for dinner." Dun nodded. "Someone should stop that guy."

Cao Cao tapped his fingers on the table. "I should arrest that hunter for crimes against humanity and force him to confess his crimes to the emperor. The court eunuchs will tell the rest of the country about Liu Bei's taste for people meat and we can defeat him with the truth. However I'm sure that will be looked on as hypocritical considering some of my own acts."

"You think?" Yuan snorted. That was an understatement. Liu Bei ate one arm and Cao Cao slaughtered thousands on a vengeance tour in Xu Province.

Cao Cao ignored him. "Send that man 100 ounces of silver for his sacrifice. I do believe that's the custom for pirates, to compensate lost limbs with money. As prime minister, I should see to it that this Liu An gets what is owed to him since Liu Bei obviously won't ever have the funds to do so."

Cao Ren toyed with his breakfast. His cousin never ceased to surprise him with his brilliance. He might not be able to outright condemn the man for his crime, but he could do it with an under-handed reward. Paying him for his loss would devalidate his sacrifice. _Really Mengde, sometimes you scare me_. "We have no proof he's eating those peasants."

"Hey, Mrs. Cao Ren." Dun waved at the woman sitting next to his cousin. "Did you think he was disgusted by what he was eating?"

"No. Actually all three of them seemed to think it was the best thing ever." Lian answered. "Liu Bei dedicated the dinner to my father. I'm glad he wasn't at Yijing to help himself to my family BBQ."

"Well, there is all the proof you need Ren." Yuan smiled. "To feed Guan Yu and Zhang Fei he's definitely going to need a whole herd of peasants."

"I think I remember reading about some Barbarian general who said virgin breast was the best cut, it had the right amount of meat and fat." Dun added and waited for his brother to play off his statement again.

"Well, then." Yuan grinned. "Ren, why don't you save us a ton of travel and go take your shirt off so Liu Bei can see those delicious mounds."

Dun snorted tea through his nose and burst into laughter.

Lian frowned. "I thought you said it would be someone else's turn today?"

"It is." Ren chuckled, glad she hadn't been around earlier. "It's Liu Bei's."

Cao Cao ignored his cousins and smiled. "Though I do believe if we do some research we'll find this isn't the first act of cannibalism for him. I always wondered why Chunyu Qiong was missing pieces when I arrived at Wu Chao Depot."

Lian recalled the stories about the officer and cleared her throat. "I thought that was you."

"Not really my style." Cao Cao stroked his goatee. "I wanted to set fire to the camp and I did, no reason to chop up some drunkard and send him to tell Yuan Shao that. Shao might have been a bit self-absorbed but he wasn't an idiot. The fires were enough to tell him what happened. I just wanted to get rid of the mess, so we strapped him to a horse and sent him home."

"You think Liu Bei got hungry for some finger food?" Dun asked.

"_Finger_ food." Yuan bubbled with laughter.

Cao Pi began to feel queasy. "Liu Bei _was_ an ally of Yuan Shao at the time."

Dun nodded. "He must have got hungry and hit the depot for a little snack."

Ren rolled his eyes. "Seriously, Mengde? I thought you were better than this."

"I'm not making this up, Ren."

"It is a little like a ghost story than reality, father." Pi hoped it was just some elaborate joke.

"I think it's a good job for your brother." Cao Cao smiled.

"You have to be more specific." Pi said dryly. That statement applied to dozens of individuals that he was aware of. Well, at least the ones that he could easily name.

"Zhi." Cao Cao smirked. He would certainly be accused of slander if he outright accused Liu Bei of being a cannibal, however nobody could ever trace a catchy poem back to its source.

"Wonderful." Pi mumbled. "Cannibalism poetry. Just what our culture was lacking."


	5. Appetizers

_To Serve Man_

Chapter 5

**Appetizers**

* * *

Cao Ren watched the Xiahous sneak off to reunite with their anxious wives and waited for Lian to catch up before entering the throne room. He raised his eyes as Zhang Liao walked up and smiled. "Perhaps you and Lian would like to join Chan and I for dinner tonight?"

"Afraid that my wife has had too much exposure to my family?" Ren asked with a smirk.

Liao looked away as Lian approached. "Your family is like tea. Addictive but a bit too intense when highly concentrated."

Ren chuckled. "That's quite an accurate analogy. I think that might need to be carved in stone in the family shrine."

"I have my moments." Liao smiled at Lian as she looked at the group gathered in the throne room.

"Liao has invited us to dinner, Lian." Ren watched her percept eyes scan the members in the room in front of them. "Cao Cao insisted that his wife be able to meet the woman who she had heard so much about."

Lian frowned. She thought that she had managed to win Cao Cao over already but this latest development meant that their leader had yet to make his final decision. "Then I suppose we should meet with Lord Cao before accepting an invitation that I may not be able to follow through with."

"We'll see you _both_ at dinner." Liao slapped Ren's arm as he turned to leave. "You can leave the peasant entrees at home; we're cutting back on our cannibalistic calories."

Lian had to smile. "He must think I've had enough of your family."

"I think we both have." Ren took a deep breathe and continued. "However you're going to once again subject yourself to my cousin's over-protective nature."

She made eye contact with Cao Cao as he finished telling his son something that made the boy happy. She could see from Cao Pi's stance that he wasn't nearly as excited as his little brother about it. Cao Cao's stare told her that it was now her turn to enter and end the interaction. "We should get this over with."

Ren lead the way and noticed the smile on his nephew's face and how Cao Zhi's eyes danced with delight; Cao Pi rolled his eyes as his little brother received the praise that he had to work much harder for. Obviously Cao Cao had told the boy of his task.

Lian noticed the woman sitting regally in a chair behind Cao Cao and deduced that this was Empress Bian. They locked eyes and the woman gave her a wink to rattle her. Lian remained stoic and realized that Cao Cao's evaluation of her still remained incomplete because he had yet to receive his wife's input. She was tempted to ask the mighty Mengde if he deferred to his wife on all matters or just those that involved other men's wives; however it was evident that her fate still hung in the balance and she kept her mouth shut. Her eyes shifted aware from the deadlock as the young prince clasped his hands in delight and announced his latest masterpiece.

Cao Zhi's mind was racing. "I'll call it 'To Serve Man'"

Cao Cao patted his son's head affectionately. "That's my boy."

"What a funny play on words." Cao Ren had to chuckle. "It can be a cookbook or a manifesto."

Lian had to admit, the kid had a sharp mind.

"I can set it to music." Zhi's eyes danced with excitement. Finally a fun task! "A catchy battle hymn."

"Good work." Cao Cao liked the idea more and more. "Zhen Ji has a delightful voice, work with her on this."

"Why _my_ wife?" Pi asked, never really too thrilled with the fact that Ji called his younger sibling 'your adorable little brother'. He looked over at his mother who just shrugged in reply; he had taken his complaints to her many times finding no one else to listen to his rants.

"Why not?" Cao Cao replied and looked up as the said women entered the room. He was about to tell her the good news when she walked up to Gongsun Lian and slapped her in the face.

"You bitch."

Lian blinked and stared at the woman. Who the hell was she? "Do I know you?"

"How dare you treat your husband like that! Do you have any idea what a kind, honest man he is? Cao Ren protected me like an angel and was the only man who didn't treat me like a slave or a prize when I first arrived! You aren't worthy of him and you certainly don't have the right to make him feel bad about himself!"

Lian's eyebrows rose. Was this his concubine?

"Ji, sweetie…" Cao Pi grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. "They sort of…made up."

"Made up!" Zhen Ji hissed. "She doesn't deserve your forgiveness!"

Ren protectively stepped in front of his wife to try and calm his own guardian who was making him feel slightly uncomfortable. "Ji, please, it was just a misunderstanding…"

"Oh…I remember you…" Lian finally put the name with the face. "You're Yuan Xi's widow."

"And you're Gongsun Zan's mongrel bitch."

"JI!" Pi tried to pull her away from this intensifying catfight as he heard his mother laugh.

Ren turned and covered Lian's mouth with his hand before she could say anything. "Please, I'm begging you to not start a fight."

Lian looked at his pleading eyes and then over at Zhen Ji who was struggling against Cao Pi's restraint. She shot a glare at Lady Bian who laughed harder. She pulled Ren's hand off her mouth and whispered. "Are you two…having an affair?"

"What? NO!" He stammered and heard Cao Cao start to chuckle.

"Ladies, I think we've all seen enough for today." Cao Cao stepped between the two warring fractions and gave them a diplomatic smile. "I think there are some minor details that your husbands should probably inform you about before I remember why I don't employ woman officers."

* * *

"She's just a nice girl who didn't have any friends…" Ren tried to explain the relationship that he had with Zhen Ji. "Everyone treated her like a pariah when she first married Pi, I felt bad for her. The women were jealous of her beauty and the men just saw her as Pi's new trophy. I saw…a poor woman who never had anyone look past her face."

"Past her face and into her dress?" Lian asked and started to giggle when he got flustered.

"Now you're mocking me."

"I thought you were going to faint when I asked if you were sleeping with her." She started to laugh. "The look on your face…."

He watched her fall over backwards onto the bed and sat down next to her. He had to smile as she giggled like a girl at his expense. She hadn't been this relaxed around him, ever. He finally felt like he was making progress. "I'm glad I can give you some pleasure."

She looked up at him as he blushed, realizing how bad that sounded. She really put this poor man through hell and was now mocking him for being a gentleman. Perhaps his family wasn't far off when they said she was going to have to rape him. "Are you always this…timid with women? I didn't get that impression from Zhen Ji when she bitchslapped me."

"You're different." He sighed. "I am afraid of screwing up again."

"Again?" She asked as she sat up. "You never did anything wrong. I had…plans. Stupid plans but plans none the less and I wouldn't have altered them for anyone."

"I really admired what you did. I haven't seen many people stand up to my cousin and you did it after losing everything with unshaken resolve. I…"

"Stop flattering me and just kiss me."

He leaned over and ever so gently kissed her, afraid that it was just a dream. She reacted to his hesitation by pulling him closer by his collar. With the slightest encouragement he was able to get a bit more aggressive.

Lian had to admit, facial hair made quite a difference.

* * *

"I never trusted Liu Bei." Diao Chan shook her head. "He was always borrowing or seeking refuge, playing the part of the helpless idealist."

Lian sighed. "In hindsight I wish I saw that he only stood up for what he believed in while standing behind someone else. My father, his brothers, Lu Bu, Yuan Shao, Cao Cao….Sun Quan."

"We've all made mistakes, Lian." Chan said simply. "I've hurt men I loved too. I believed it was for the best. I thought I was making a difference. I was wrong."

Lian watched Liao's hand wrap around his wife's. She looked at Ren and wondered how long it would be before she could be that comfortable with him. He surprised her by reaching over and squeezing her hand.

"Perhaps what you both see as your faults is what we see as what sets you apart from other women." Ren hoped that didn't sound too sappy.

"Not me." Liao waited until everyone's eyes were on him. "I really like your boobs."

Chan slapped him in the chest. "You ass!"

Liao laughed and pulled her over to kiss her. "Listen to you talking about my ass at dinner! In front of guests who were desperately trying to escape that uncouth talk at their family dinner! Shame on you."

"Wenyuan, you're as bad as Ling!"

"Now that's an exaggeration." Liao scoffed. He looked over at Lian who seemed amused at their playful side. "You haven't met my niece yet, have you?"

"I think Ling may have met her match." Ren said confidently. "She's about the only other woman I have ever seen stand up to Mengde and get away with it."

Chan sighed. "Ling Qi is Lu Bu's daughter and Xiahou Dun's wife. I do believe that should prepare you for your inevitable meeting more than anything these two will tell you."

"As long as she's not going to slap me like Zhen Ji did, I don't think we'll have a problem." Lian responded.

"She slapped you?" Chan gasped. The woman who wouldn't stand up to her husband's concubine slapped Lian?

Lian smiled, "Apparently my husband is a Cao after all."

Ren's mouth dropped open as Liao burst into laughter. Lian gave him a playful smile and he had to smile back. Apparently the teasing atmosphere was contagious and he was not going to complain. "This from a member of the Gongsun clan which started the Zhao Yun fanclub."

Lian's eyebrow rose as he tried to keep a straight face, however the edges of his lips were cresting upward in a smile. Liao startled them both by slapping the table and laughing like a child until he started to shed tears. "I'm impressed, Zixiao, I didn't think anyone could crack his composure."

"We have to keep this Zhang Liao away from fangirl eyes or they'd be clawing at his armor instead peeing themselves." Ren watched him wipe the tears from his eyes.

Chan sighed and took her husband's wine glass away. "We also keep the musou wine away from Wenyuan because it turns him into a child again. You two wouldn't believe the stories I could tell about him and Lu Bu back in Luo Yang."

"We should be heading home anyway." Lian wanted to take advantage of the unguarded state that she and Ren were both in while it lasted. After everything that had happened, it was so difficult to be completely at ease with each other. The whole journey home they kept things professional and the few moments where they were unguarded were quick to end. Now…they had both seen something they so desperate wanted in the relationship across the table from them. Now, she could only hope both their defensive walls had been breached and they could finally start being a real couple.

* * *

Xiahou Dun glanced up and shielded his eye from the glare of the rising sun through the window as Cao Ren tried to sneak into the council room. He blinked and had to look again. Something was different. He shoved his cousin who was sitting next to him organizing his list of delegatable tasks.

Cao Cao looked up as Dun tried to push him over. He was about to ask him if he was suddenly a mute now but looked up as Ren stopped in his tracks and stared at them like a deer who walked into the middle of archery practice.

Ren closed his eyes. How the hell did they know?

"Do you have something you want to tell the class?" Dun asked and wished his brother was here for the historic event.

Cao Cao clasped his hands and said a silent prayer. "Please, Zixiao, tell us you're not a virgin anymore."

"I haven't been a virgin since I was 14!" Ren growled but felt his face flush.

"You have to make this day some sort of holiday, Mengde. This is really a miracle." Dun then added. "You didn't see any 'Zilong was here' inscriptions did you?"

Ren was beginning to lose his temper. Teasing was one thing, but mocking the wonderful night he had just shared with his wife was another. He looked up as she entered the room expecting to receive her orders. Now the anger vanished and embarrassment began to take over.

"I thought I was going to have to pay you to have sex with him!" Dun greeted the woman and then thought about it. "Or did my brother beat me to it?"

"No." Lian held her head up high as Ren began to blush. "He was perfect."

"In comparison to…."

Cao Cao finally smacked him. "Dun!"

"General Xiahou, don't think it's beneath me to tell your wife that you've developed some obsession about your cousin's sex life. Ren, perhaps you should think twice before allowing yourself to be naked around him again. I hear the Xiahous find it hard to control themselves around their nude cousins."

Dun blinked, caught off guard by the remark.

Cao Cao bit his lip to refrain from laughing. Perhaps this would work after all. He was just happy that someone else was the target of her sharp tongue.

* * *

"What exactly is her problem?" Lu Ling Qi grumbled as she stared at the new girl Cai Wengi. She strummed her instrument and began to sing another melancholy song about her days as a concubine. "Get over it already."

Diao Chan sighed. "Ling, not everyone can 'get over it'."

"So then someone should do the humane thing and put her out of her misery. I'm sick of listening to the songs and poems and horrible tales of captivity. Like she's the only one in the country who's not had a picture perfect life."

Chan looked up as the newest addition to the Xu Chang Lady's club arrived to try to talk with Zhen Ji. Gongsun Lian had never visited the capital while she was with her husband the first time, she simply remained home to work. Now, however, she was more interested in being a wife than simply biding her time so it was time to finally do some networking.

"Well this ought to be good." Ling turned her attention to what Chan was looking at and prepared for the inevitable fight. She really wanted to like this girl Lian without even really knowing her; she liked women who slapped Cao Cao.

Zhen Ji's eyes lifted from her flute and she looked at the woman she had slapped last night. "What are you trying to prove?"

Lian looked around. For once she didn't feel like she had to really prove anything. "You were right, I didn't deserve him. I don't take issue with anything you said."

Zhen Ji wasn't expecting that. The woman was being sincere.

"I had my hidden agendas and I didn't care who was hurt because I felt I was doing the right thing. My strengths aren't in feminine wiles, so I kept him at a distance the only way I could. Of course now, I can see it wasn't the right choice and I have a second chance I don't deserve. I don't know if I can make up for what I've done, but I'm certainly going to try." Lian took a deep breathe. "Sorry for bothering you."

Zhen Ji wasn't really sure what to make of her. The women of Xu Chang were hardly honest. Cao Cao's concubines and wives were as complicated as the man himself and her own husband inherited his father's taste for woman. Lady Gan, Pi's favorite concubine, was a constant source of drama and she swore the woman would be the death of her. This woman was different however; she was more like Lu Ling Qi without being brash, vulgar and shameless. Honest. The kind of woman a man like Cao Ren deserved.

Diao Chan waved at Lian to get her attention. Hopefully she would come sit with them, it was important that she finally meet the rest of her family. "Ling, please behave."

"Me?" Ling asked. "Why would I do that?"

Chan smiled as Lian came over. "Lian, this is my niece, Lu Ling Qi."

"How the hell could you fall for a pussy like Zhao Yun? Are you gay?" Ling asked.

Lian smiled. She was exactly like everyone described her. "Childhood crush on my father's best general, I'm sure you can understand that."

Ling smirked at Chan. "_My_ Dad had higher standards for his officers, but I guess I see your point."

"Please join us." Chan made room on the bench next to her.

"Thank you." Lian sat down and noticed someone she didn't recognize.

"That's Cai Wengi, depressing poet extraordinaire." Ling noticed her checking out the new chick. "Rumor has it Cao Cao bought her from the barbarians as _your_ replacement. Seems like adding insult to injury, but who am I to question the great Cao Cao's brilliance. Maybe they were supposed to write a miserable song about broken hearts together or something. Sounds like a recipe for suicide. You should slap him again."

Lian raised her eyebrows. She apparently was very close to not getting that second chance.

"So, how was he? Dun said you finally popped his cherry." Ling redirected the conversation to something more interesting as Chan blushed and hid behind her fan. How the woman could be embarrassed by talking about sex was beyond her. How many men had she seduced?

"I'm pretty sure he's had plenty of practice." Lian replied.

"With more than his hand?"

"Ling!" Chan closed her fan and smacked the girl with it. "Stop it! You're as bad as your father!"

"Why is that bad?" Ling shrugged. "I'm just curious. You're the only one who doesn't share details."

Chan looked up as a newcomer arrived. "Lian, have you met Lady Cao?"

"Call me Li." Lady Cao pushed Ling Qi over and sat down on the bench with her. "I'm Xiahou Yuan's wife."

"And Cao Cao's little sister." Ling added. "Creepy isn't it? Proves that those childhood games of 'you show me yours and I'll show you mine' aren't harmless after all."

Li ignored her. "I'm dying to know how far boy wonder Zilong got with you. I can't imagine being attracted to some gay kid."

"He was a man of honor; he never let anything progress past a kiss." Lian answered. _Was_. Would a man of honor and integrity turn a blind eye to everything she had seen?

"I assume because he wasn't familiar with female anatomy." Li adjusted her dress as Ling snickered at her comment. "I was hoping you would come around eventually. My brother tends to get more protective of his grown cousins than his own children. I thought it was some cruel punishment to force Cai Wengi on Ren, but all he saw was her bust size and nothing else."

"I'm sure he also figured she was broken in and could service her hubby without instruction." Ling rolled her eyes. "Maybe we should ship her to Liu Bei and they could cry together while they write a cannibal cookbook."

"That's right!" Li smiled. "We've been so focused on Ren's virginity that we forgot all about Liu Bei's rather interesting palate. Did you have any peasant while you were wearing green?"

"No." Lian shook her head.

"Are you sure? Did you ask what was in your meatbun?" Ling asked.

"My brother should have killed him years ago." Li shook her head. "I guess it's too much like kicking a crippled puppy."

Lian raised her eyebrows. These women were surprising good counterparts for the men they were married to.

"My Dad just pushed him around, never really thought he was much of a threat." Ling recalled. "Then that little fuck stabbed him in the back at Xia Pi. I say we go after him in the next battle. What do you say Lian? Even the score?"

Lian blinked. She might not want to serve the man, but trying to assassinate him in the next battle? "I…"

"Or you can distract your ex-boyfriend while I carve him up." Ling nodded thoughtfully. "That will work better."

"Ling, please." Chan finally decided to stop this before it got out of hand. She was more aware than anyone of how the Lu psyche worked. It didn't take long for an idea to turn into a rampage.

"You were there Chan. The only thing that bastard did at that battle was open his stupid mouth when my father's life was hanging in the balance! Bullshit. I'm done letting him run around getting people killed that helped him."

"Perhaps if he had repaid his debt to Gongsun Zan…" Cao Li said thoughtfully, "Perhaps if he gave up his delusions of grandeur and served a lord than the playing field might be different today."

Lian locked onto those mischievous eyes and knew she had seen them before. Cao Li was definitely Cao Cao's little sister. "My father's own mistakes caused his downfall. He never accepted the fact that he needed a strategist and had he perhaps he would have kept Liu Bei in his service. I cannot see this as any fault of Liu Bei's."

"No strategist, hmmm." Li smirked. "Sounds like he had you."

"What man would listen to the advice of a woman?" Lian asked.

"Yours." Li smiled.

Lian remained silent. She was rather disturbed at how quickly Lady Cao had just turned the tables on her. She was just as adept as her brother in the debate category.


	6. Main Course

_To Serve Man_

Chapter 6

**Main Course**

* * *

"Ladies…" Diao Chan fanned herself lightly as she noticed that the men were finally done with council and were flooding into the courtyard. "Looks like it's time for lunch."

Ling jumped up to tackle her husband as he approached, knocking him over. "I'm coming with you next battle. I'm going to kill Liu Bei!"

"God dammit Ling." Dun shifted uncomfortably as he landed on his sword scabbard. He promptly forgot what he was complaining about as his wife took his face in her hands and kissed him.

"Ling Qi!" Zhang Liao snapped upon seeing his niece straddling her husband in front of everyone. "NOT in public!"

Cao Li stood and walked over to the chuckling Xiahou Yuan and licked his ear while running her hands over his deliciously hairy chest. "When is that man going to learn that my brother has different standards on public nudity?"

Cao Cao frowned as his little sister fondled his cousin in front of his eyes. "We're ready for lunch. My son is going to unveil the chorus of his new song."

Cao Li watched the dignified Zhang Liao pluck his niece off Dun and stand her upright again. "You should introduce him to Cai Wengi now that she's just an extra body. Wouldn't hurt to give him a prize for his work and they do share an interest in music and prose."

Cao Cao looked at Gongsun Lian before nodding. Yes, she would be just fine for his cousin and he could very easily snatch up this opportunity to make his boy feel special. His wife had simply said "leave them alone" when he asked her opinion. "Alright, you introduce them."

"Ugh. Gag her first." Ling held her hand out to help Dun up off the ground. "Unless you want the poor kid to slit his wrists or something."

"Solves the problem of Pi's jealousy." Yuan observed. "Maybe."

"Hurry please." Cao Cao growled as his sister gave him a smug look for voicing the idea before he did. "She'll need to practice if they're going to unveil this after lunch."

Ling laughed. "She doesn't need to practice humming on his instrument."

"LING!" Liao snapped and glared at her husband as he began cackling and gave her a kiss as a reward for her crude remark.

"You have to stop being so sensitive about songstresses and their proficiency with instruments." Ling mumbled.

Chan blushed as her husband's face turned red with anger. She closed her eyes as Dun laughed louder and Ling tried to drag him out of the courtyard. "She is so much worse than her father."

"Ren's here!" Ling announced as she tried pulling Dun harder and he resisted.

Lian looked up as Ren quietly approached, obviously waiting for the crowd to break up before he entered. Yuan and Li were now over with Cai Wengi explaining what wonderfully exciting task awaited her. Now he only had to deal with Lu Ling Qi, but even she was in the company of her disapproving Uncle Liao and would hopefully be more tame with her comments. She had to smile at him. Well played, General.

Ren was accustomed to the chaos that ensued when his family was together in it's entirety but was startled when Ling Qi ran over and hugged him. He even thought he heard her 'squee'.

"Oh my God! I'm so proud of you! I can't believe you're not a virgin anymore!" Ling gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I told you it was going to be good? Didn't I! So much better than your hand, isn't it? Nice warm girl to stick it in?"

"Ling, I told you I wasn't a virgin." He frowned as she hugged him again. He sighed and patted her back.

"You know if you only do it missionary style than your kids are only going to be sub-generals…right?" Ling whispered.

"That's urban legend." Ren replied as she bounced back over to Dun.

"I'm just very happy that you've avoided being paired with Miss Melancholy over there." Ling looked over as Cai Wengi gathered her things in order to help the prince with his new song.

"Maybe she can add some interesting details to the song." Dun mused. "The barbarians like eating people too."

"Ling." Liao growled. "Refrain from making whatever lewd remark you were going to make."

Ling pouted and wrapped her arms around Dun's waist and clung to him. "You have a dirty mind, Liao."

"And a very lucky, wife." Li smirked as she returned to the group and gave Liao a look over and licked her lips. The man ignored her; obviously his years of service with Dong Zhuo and Lu Bu had increased his ability to tune out vulgar statements. She looked over her shoulder as Cai Wengi followed her like the obedient little girl she was.

Ren used the opportunity to move closer to his own wife and try to steal her away while everyone was distracted. He could always count on Liao to be an excellent diversion, on and off the battlefield.

"Where do you think you're sneaking off to, Zixiao?" Li queried as she saw him trying to circle around Diao Chan and snag Lian.

Ren was glad his brother wasn't as interested in his personal life as his cousins seemed to be. Then he heard Ling's little voice pipe up 'stick it in a warm girl' and he felt his cheeks flush. He was just trying to rescue his wife from the interrogations not whisk her off for some 'quickie'!

"Trying to rescue me?" Lian asked, amused that he was the one now in need of that act of gallantry. "Don't think I can hold my own against your family?"

"You've certainly proven that." He smiled at her as she stood and protectively moved to shield him from everyone's curious stares. They had kept to themselves the entire ride back to Xu Chang and had kept to their respective jobs. That drove everyone else insane. Now there were those expectant eyes upon them again, waiting for some outward signs of affection or molestation. They could just keep waiting.

"I'll give you a tiger amulet if you bend him over the bench and spank him." Ling chimed in.

This time it was Diao Chan who chided her. "Ling, if that hasn't worked with me for five years what makes you think it's going to work on her?"

"I told you I'd give you something far more valuable if you did it to Liao and let me watch."

"I should have hand delivered you to Yuan Shu when we had the chance." Liao held his arm out for Chan and waited for her to elegantly stand and wrap her arm ever so lightly around his.

"Should have." Ling stuck out her tongue. "I would have killed him and took his army and rescued you at Xia Pi."

"Then we wouldn't have to worry about who Liu Bei's knawing on right now." Dun slapped her on the ass. "However we would have just defeated you anyway. Let's eat."

"Hmpf." Ling slapped his ass in return. "You never complain about being my prisoner."

"If anyone knew what you role play doing with captured officers, damned near every man in this country would surrender." Dun ignored Liao's hot glare. Prude.

Cao Li still stood there staring at her cousin despite whatever tangent Ling and Dun were on. She had her brother's ability to mentally multi-task and could pay attention to multiple conversations with ease. She smiled at Ren. "Quite the pair you are. She's quite content with going on the offensive and you'll be the one holding down the fort. Does that mean you're going to be the stay at home Dad? Like Dun?"

"What is this, 'like Dun' bullshit?" Dun scoffed. "I send my wife out to kill bandits and all I hear about is how I'm Mr. Mom."

"It's cute." Li waved him off. "Just curious how this relationship is going to work."

"Cute?" Dun growled.

Li waited for Ren to reply however it was Ling who spoke up. "Hey, new chick, what's the deal with the emo shit?"

Cai Wengi realized that that was directed at her when everyone stared at her to see her reply. She looked to the rather hyper girl most of the other women feared. "Excuse me?"

"The songs and poems drenched with tales of sorrow and depression. " Ling clarified. "Don't you think it's time you just got over it? Your father bought you back with someone else's money, I think that's probably call for a happier tune."

"Are you my accountant now?" Cao Cao asked and frowned as she grabbed his wrist.

"Everyone who has had their Father killed in some gruesome way, raise your hand." Ling squeezed Cao Cao's wrist and stuck it in the air with her own. She smiled at Li when she proudly raised hers and glared at Lian until she put her hand in the air.

Cao Cao wrestled his hand back from her. "Quit padding the numbers of your survey by counting my family twice."

"Especially since he hated Daddy anyway." Li rolled her eyes.

Wengi clutched her erhu and replied, "I'm sorry for your loss but it has nothing to do with my years of enslavement, rape and abuse as a concubine."

"My point…" Ling growled "Is that everyone else seems to handle devastating personal experiences better than you. You're free now, why the hell aren't you singing about that and forgetting about the past?"

"I…" Wengi jumped as the woman took a step toward her.

"You are going to be spending time with everyone's favorite nephew, Cao Zhi. He's funny, smart and happy and so help me God if you ruin that I will make you wish you were back with those barbarians being raped and beaten."

"Wow. Apparently I got off easy having my character picked apart by your three cousins." Lian commented.

"Yes, you did pass with flying colors, didn't you?" Cao Li gave Ren a mischievous wink. "I didn't think Ren was the kind of man to be the submissive in a relationship. I mean, not like Dun."

"What the fuck!" Dun exclaimed.

"Time for lunch." Cao Cao announced, having about as much of this crap as he could take.

"Trying to spoil my fun, Mengde? Just for old time's sake?" Li frowned.

"I've been waiting all day to hear what my son has composed."

"How fitting he unveil it after everyone eats."

"Do you want to run the country now? Empress Cao?"

"Maybe if I was, Ren wouldn't have waited til he turned 33 to get laid."

"It doesn't count if _you_ have sex with him." Cao Cao snorted.

"I have my hands full with the Xiahous." Li smirked. "Though I have to wonder why I never see any Cao on Cao yaoi action at the doujinshi shop. Maybe the prime minister has silenced all the artists. Curious that there isn't a single depiction of that pairing…."

"I never see anything with me and your husband either." Cao Cao snorted.

"More man than you can handle and everyone knows it." Li put her hands on her hips and waited for his reply.

"More innocence than you deserve. I should have married you off to the Sun family. That way you could get your hands on everyone related to you without any inhibitions. Don't think I forgot your favorite fairy tale as a kid was the story of Nu Wa and Fu Xi, I'm sure you could have taken the Suncest Festival to a whole new level of incestuous celebration."

"If that was the case I would have been all over you." Li snorted and wrinkled her nose in disgust. "However, back then, there wasn't a girl who would touch your lanky body without being paid."

Ren frowned. "I hate when they get into these sibling spats, it's always disturbing."

"When can we go home?" Lian asked. This was all interesting however she simply ached to get back to simple routine and privacy. She also wasn't looking forward to being interrogated further about how her husband was in bed. It seemed to be a popular pastime around here.

"Soon." He reassured her as they slipped away from the argument to catch up with Liao and his normal wife.

"I just would like to start over without all the interference." She sighed.

"I understand completely."

"I would also like to go somewhere were sex isn't a spectator sport." Lian looked over her shoulder as Li pulled her brother's hair and smacked his hat off. "Perhaps that statement isn't accurate. It's more a competitive event."

"Well, it's been decided that we will be stationed in the South. Hopefully that will be far enough away."

* * *

"It's been over two months, when exactly are we going to be reassigned?" Lian queried as she readjusted Ren's armor.

"Mengde is hesitant to send us away." Ren looked at her face as she tried to ensure his armor wasn't going to restrict his movement on the training field. "He believes that Liu Bei will ally with Wu and try to attack. He's hoping to have a crack at them before they can unite and march against us."

"I'm sure Zhuge Liang and Zhou Yu will make us come to them."

"They are outnumbered; their strength would be in a defense." Ren nodded as she handed him his helmet.

"Our strength is in your defense." She frowned.

"Sorry." He stood and kissed her. "Actually, I'm not. I think you're too reckless and stubborn, perhaps my inevitable assignment as the rear guard might just keep you safe."

"I thought you were going to stay home and raise the kids," Lian looked over her shoulder and raised her voice. "Like Dun."

"What did you just say?" Came the angry reply.

"I thought you were blind, not deaf." Lian coolly replied.

"I'll show you blind!"

Ren kissed her and put on his helmet. "I think taunting him before a duel should be considered cheating."

"It's called a tactic." Lian smirked and picked up her spear. "Like our King sending the Cao Family Chorus on a tour of the South singing their one-hit wonder 'To Serve Man'. Tactic."

"Mmm." Ren watched her walk over to the area where Dun was practicing and as quickly as she saluted him, he attacked her. She did know how to take advantage of his weakness. He smiled, appreciating that the woman he loved could adapt to his family.

"I guess that leaves you to me!"

Ren knew that voice and groaned before he set his eyes upon her. He looked over his shoulder and saw the mischievous smile on Lu Ling Qi's face. Dun obviously knew how to take advantage of his weakness too. "Ling, you know I'm not going to fight you."

"I keep telling you I'm not a lady." She whipped her twin swords around to loosen up. "So come and get me big boy."

"Yeah, go get her big boy." Yuan walked up and slapped his cousin on the ass. "Show her you can beat up a girl."

"You were supposed to be fighting me." Ren growled.

"Dun asked for a favor since your wife likes to cheat." Yuan shrugged and polished an apple on his leg. "We can too."

"It's called a tactic." Ren said.

"It's called practice," Yuan put his foot on Ren's ass and shoved him into the ring. "So go get your ass kicked like a man."

* * *

Ren tried to get comfortable as he sat down for breakfast. Training had proven to be more painful than productive as Lu Ling Qi wailed on him without mercy in an attempt to teach him to fight back. He heard her footsteps in the corridor as she raced to breakfast after her bath, he just hoped she wanted food and not the time to gloat more. He ignored Dun sticking his tongue out at him and just concentrated on his tea.

"Ren is going to be a father, so pay up!" Ling bounced past her husband and over to Empress Bian, and then held out her hand expectantly.

"What?" Ren looked up from his tea as Ling made her customary entrance. He tended to phase out whatever inappropriate comment she made but this time he heard something earth shattering.

"You got your wife pregnant! Good job!" Ling gave him a thumbs up and then slapped Lady Bian in the arm again. "A bet is a bet!"

Ren dropped his tea in his lap and the cup rattled across the ground as he jumped up as a reaction to the hot liquid on his lap.

"How do we know it's not Zhao Yun's?" Bian shoved the hand away from her, never a woman to take losing in stride.

"Are you listening to yourself? Come on, Zhao Yun? If he has a cock I'm sure the only hole he can find with it is a mangina. Quit stalling and give me my winnings!" Ling poked the woman and held out her hand.

"I want Hua Tuo to verify it than!" Bian swatted away Ling's hand that was feeling around her robes for the treasure she didn't want to relinquish. "Quit grabbing my boobs!"

"What does that old pervert know? You think that we don't know the signs of pregnancy? Did you lose count of how many kids are running around here?" Ling continued to feel around Bian's robes for the treasure.

Ren looked around at the other men who were just watching this scene play out. Cao Cao seemed more interested in the fact that his wife as being molested by Ling. Dun was waiting for the other women to enter the room and verify these facts and Yuan simply was grinning at him. Nobody said anything to make him feel like this was real and not some hallucination. "Lian…is pregnant?"

"Mengde, I thought we told you it was your job to tell him about babies." Yuan frowned as Cao Cao threw some tea at the women to make their clothes a bit more transparent for the escalating wrestling match.

"Li Li, can you verify any of this?" Cao Cao looked up as his sister strode into the room carrying herself like a queen.

"She's pregnant. I'll bet my husband on it."

"Not having sex with my cousin." Cao Cao grumbled. "We've been through this before."

"That's your job." Dun reached over and grabbed a hold of Ling's robes to pull her off the intensifying squabble. "What the hell did you win that's so important?"

Ling fell backwards into him and held up the coin and smiled. "It's a collector coin! It's my dad and Diao Chan doing it on Red Hare's back."

"That is an extremely rare, limited edition coin." Bian pushed down her robes and slapped Cao Cao in the chest for the tea incident.

"Right." Dun shook his head. The weird shit that people collect these days.

"For my shrine to my dad!" Ling polished the coin on her breast and frowned disapprovingly. When the hell did she spill tea on herself?

"Lian's pregnant?" Ren asked again and felt his hands begin to shake. This was ridiculous; he was never rattled by anything! Surely he rationally knew it was an outcome of their activities but the reality of it was a little overwhelming. They had never talked about this. It was simply too soon. Everything was going so well and he didn't want anything to ruin that.

"You're going to be a father." Cao Li gave her cousin a hug and patted his check. "Congratulations, Ren."

"I…uh…" Ren felt Li pat his check again to get his attention.

"She's outside waiting to tell you herself." Li gave Ling a glance. "The way normal people like to announce life changing events."

"Hmpf." Ling replied.

"Go ahead, Zixiao, I'll hold off the wolves here. " Li gave him a shove towards the door. "Just be sure to tell her that's tea on your robes."

"Ha!" Ling chuckled.

Ren left his family and entered the hall where his wife sat staring at the floor. Her hands were clenched and she was taking deep breaths. "Lian?"

She looked up at him and was glad to see that his initial reaction had been similar to hers. She didn't really know what to say. It was a novel concept; she always had something to say. "I'm pregnant."

"I…heard." He walked over to her and knelt down in front of her. His hands stopped shaking as soon as he wrapped them around hers. "Really?"

She nodded and took a deep breathe. "I feel like an idiot to be blindsided by this."

"You're not upset?"

"No…why would I be?" She squeezed his hand. "I'm just really…not prepared. Sounds so stupid saying that. It's obviously what was going to happen, but still. Zixiao, we're having a baby."

He finally let it sink in and wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his arms. "I love you Lian."

"Are you sure about that? I just got ambushed by a baby." She kissed his neck.

"I just can't believe you still want to be part of my family."

"From what I gather, they are all Xiahous." Lian played with his short hair as he chuckled. "Cao Chun showed me the family tree when he was trying to add my lineage to it and I couldn't help but notice Cao Cao and kin are all adopted. They're originally Xiahous, just with a name change."

"Yes…they certainly are." Ren turned around as he heard shouting from the room behind them. "That they definitely are."

"What is the likelihood that we'll be able to find a name for our kid that Cao Cao hasn't already taken?" Lian asked, recalling the several instances on the family tree where a child's name was listed and a number tacked onto their name.

"Impossible." He stood and grudgingly added. "I feel compelled to at least find out what the yelling is about."

"It's never ceased to prove to be a unique and amusing reason."

"You're sure you're not regretting giving up Zhao Yun and his probably normal family?"

"Not for a second." She stood and kissed his scruffy cheek. "As some drunkard once wrote, 'Caos are better lovers. Mooooooo'"

"I am so glad you have an incredibly high tolerance of my family's insanity." He chuckled and begrudgingly began to walk back to the room where the argument was escalating.

"I love you; they just seem to be some very obnoxious baggage." She smiled thinking about them. "However, they love you very much and you're lucky to have them. That being said, our kids are never going to be left with them unsupervised."

"Kids?" Ren asked, noting the plural.

"I'm not trying to rival "World's Greatest Dad" Cao Cao, but a few would be nice."

Ren chuckled. "So the boys told you about that. To this day Mengde thinks that was a compliment and not a mockery of his inability to use birth control. Quantity not quality."

"Maybe next time I bring up the subject of starting a family you won't take it as a come on." She said slyly and he cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Think with the right head, General Cao."

He pulled her close as the voices grew louder in the next room. "How was it then, General Gongsun, that Lu Ling Qi figured out you were pregnant and not you?"

She leaned over and whispered in his ear. "I just thought it was your cooking that was making me sick."

He turned his head to look at her mocking smile and gently placed a kiss on her lips. Then the shouting began and ruined the moment.

"You Cyclopic ASS!"

"Myopic is the word you want, maybe you should be going to school with our kids afterall!"

Ren groaned and placed his forehead against his wife's brow as Ling and Dun's voices carried into the hall. "Shall we?"

"They definitely don't get to baby-sit." Lian took his face in her hands and placed a kiss on Ren's forehead. "Lead the way."

Ren released her and walked back into the hall where his family was fighting one of the battles that history would unfortunately never record.

"I don't understand why we need to adopt him." Dun shrugged as Ling kicked him.

"He's your son!" Ling scoffed. "Dumbass."

"We can't verify that…" Dun shifted uncomfortably.

"We always suspected it could be the case." Li sighed. "It's just now that Mao is older I sort of…know he's not Yuan's."

"That was a pretty wild night." Yuan cleared his throat uncomfortably.

Cao Cao closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. "Only in this family could we be having this discussion. My sister got impregnated by the wrong cousin during some threesome fifteen years ago."

Cao Ren stopped at the doorway and sighed. "Here we go again."

"Again?" Lian asked. "How often does this happen?"

"He's been yours for fourteen years and now you just want me to take him?" Dun snapped. "How much more can we screw this kid up?"

Ling pointed at Cao Cao. "Not nearly as fucked up as him naming one of his own children Cao Ang's heir."

"At least he will be listed on the family tree as someone." Cao Cao shrugged. "Whatever the hell his name is."

"Ling, why of all people do you want to adopt someone? Doesn't your family history of adoptions gone wrong make you think that this isn't the best idea?" Dun asked.

"No. None of the men my father killed were actually family." She shrugged. "Mao is quite clearly your kid."

"Yeah." Li tried to avoid Yuan's somewhat hurt face. "Sorry honey…maybe if you hadn't surprised me for my birthday I would have remembered the herbal remedy."

"Maybe if I wasn't drunk I wouldn't have jumped in bed with my brother and my cousin!" Dun growled.

"You do it pretty willingly when it's all four of us." Ling rolled her eyes.

"This is my fault?" Yuan threw up his arms. "I'm losing my son because he looks and acts just like you!"

"All you had to do was ask…you should have known that." Dun growled. "I would have been a bit more careful."

"Right." Ling snorted. "That's why we're already up to four kids."

"Why don't you just leave it up to him?" Cao Ren asked and everyone fell silent. "Mao is old enough now to hear the truth and make his own decisions."

"I don't have to sleep with your cousins…do I?" Lian whispered in his ear and he vehemently shook his head in reply. "Good."

"Do I really need to be involved in this?" Cao Cao asked.

"Aren't you some sort of self-proclaimed Emperor or King or Prime Minister or God or something?" Ling put her hands on her hips and stared at him. "I thought that's what you did. Get involved and ruin everyone's lives for them."

"This…" Cao Cao stood and shook his head. "Is not my problem. This is a Xiahou family problem and when you figure out what you want to do you can bring me the paperwork to sign."

Lady Bian finally burst into laughter. She couldn't believe she had held back for so long. "And…you….call me the…..whore."

Lian tugged Ren's arm and backed out the door. "Let's go home."

Ren sighed. "I'm afraid if I don't mediate, they are going to cause permanent mental damage to my nephew."

Lian frowned and had to grudgingly admit he was right. "You're everyone's favorite Uncle, aren't you?"

"How did you guess?" He chuckled then took a deep breathe before continuing. "Li, you're still his mother so why don't you break the news?"

"Yes, little sister, act your age for once." Cao Cao said dryly.

"Fine." She snapped and sneered at her brother. "I'll be back."

Lian watched her walk past them and down the hallway with her head held high. So this was parenthood?

* * *

Lady Bian cocked her head as she noticed something on her husband's face that was very rarely seen. Was that, confusion? She followed his eyes to the entranceway and noticed that Cao Li had indeed returned with her son….and Cao Qing He? Why would Cao Cao's daughter from his first marriage need to be here?

"Can you please try to not look ashamed?" Ling poked Dun's side as she noticed the new arrivals.

"Look, Dun, he's still my son." Yuan choked up a little. "So, don't think this is going to change anything."

"I was just thinking the same thing about Chong." Dun said quietly.

"Oh stop it." Ling growled. "There is no reason that you and I could not produce a big-boned boy like him."

"He came out of you weighing almost ten pounds!" Dun shook his head. "You barely weigh that much."

"Daddy!" Cao Qing He marched into the room and threw her fan on the ground. "There is no sense in this! How can you be such a hypocrite!"

Cao Cao's eyes narrowed. This was a bizarre reaction to the news. "Qing He, I don't think this concerns you."

"Qing He…." Xiahou Mao started waving his hands franticly to get her attention.

Cao Li bit her lip. "Sweetie…this is not the right time…"

"You of all people can't pass judgment on me for loving my cousin, Auntie Li!"

"What?" Cao Cao blinked.

"Yes! I had sex with my cousin! A lot! And I liked it!" Qing He stood up tall and shook her finger at her father. "How dare you try to separate us!"

"Qing He…." Mao walked up to her and whispered. "He didn't know. This was about…my father not being my real father."

"What?" Qing He turned to him and her face went pale. "Oh my god."

"He didn't know until you just told him." Mao jumped as she spun on her heels and launched herself at her father.

"You better not be his father! Oh my god, please tell me I didn't just fuck my brother!"

Gongsun Lain shook her head. "Your family is unbelievable. When did incest become and epidemic in this country?"

"Just remember, they are Xiahous." Ren whispered. "All of them, except me."

Cao Cao pried his daughter's hands off his collar. Lady Bian exploded in a fit of laughter and fell into his back, slapping him and using his robe to wipe away her tears. "Would you please compose yourself…both of you."

"I'm actually Mao's father." Dun spoke up. Then, not knowing what else to do he waved at his son.

Mao gave an uncomfortable wave back. "Mom, told me."

Ren stood up and cleared his throat. Lady Bian's laugher filled the room and she was to the point of hyperventilating. "Perhaps, we can address this family issue like adults?"

"Apparently my daughter is already an adult." Cao Cao hissed. "If there was any question about who Mao's father is…I think we've got our answer."

"Me?" Dun snapped. "Your sister is the one who can't keep her hands off family! It's in his blood!"

"You are the one who has a taste for teenage girls."

"And you don't?"

"I don't marry them."

"Hey." Ling snorted. "Why is this about me?"

"Mao _is_ a teenager." Ren interjected.

"What about those Qiaos? They were barely out of the cradle when you set them on your lap…" Dun sneered

Cao Caos eyes began to light up with anger. "I don't need to resort to taboo erotic extravagance to keep my marriage alive."

"Oh boy." Yuan slumped his shoulders. "Dun, what don't you settle down?"

Dun stood and balled his fist. Before he could open his mouth Ling was on his back with her arm around his throat.

"Dammit! This isn't about you!" She growled and started to execute a chokehold her father had taught her to cut off his air.

Lian stood up and walked over to the teenage couple who was simply embracing each other hoping to go unnoticed. "I believe the whole point of this is that they want to know if you want to be officially adopted by the father who is responsible for your conception or be happy with the one who raised you."

"I…don't want to live with them. Uncle Dun scares me." Mao whispered. "Ling, really scares me."

"Wise choice." Lian cleared her throat. "He wants to stay Yuan's son. Are we done here?"

"No." Cao Cao snapped. "His hand is on my daughter's ass!"

"He's done a lot more than that with my ass." Qing He snapped.

"Then perhaps everyone but the selected parents should leave now?" Ren stood and joined his wife.

"Noooo!" Lady Bian wiped away her tears. "I am enjoying this! Stop being such a spoil-sport Ren."

"Just because you want to see Mengde and Yuanrang fight for your own pleasure…" Cao Li stepped forward. "NO."

"Afraid you might see something you like?" Bian cooed. "Maybe he should have married you to Sun Jian."

Everyone stopped what they were doing as a loud thump caught their attention. Lu Ling Qi sat up on her husband's back and stretched her shoulder muscles. "Usually he passes out a lot sooner than that."

"Ren, can you carry my unconscious brother back home so Mengde and I can sort out this…." Yuan waved at his son holding the girl of his dreams in his arms. "Them."

"Sure." Ren walked over, knelt down and slung Dun's body over his shoulder. Ling trotted along behind him.

"So are you sure that kid you're carrying is Ren's?" Ling asked.

"Positive." Lian replied and then added. "Before you even ask, I'm not interested."

"Come on; look at how cute and helpless he is." Ling reached up and pet her husband's face as Ren carried him down the hall. "Don't think I don't see you hand on his ass, Ren."

"I think we might need to cut back on your sugar and caffeine intake." Lian sighed as Ling continued to chatter on about various fantasies that involved Ren and some doujinshi she had commissioned to help him open up his mind. "Ling…you didn't just start a family fight just to render your husband unconscious and lure us back to your room…did you?"

"You're knocked up now. No worries." Ling winked at her. "I think that's what you call a 'tactic', right?"


End file.
